Whenever we get to this time of the year, when the youngsters are out waiting at the bus stops and the teachers are all moaning to everyone who will listen about how short summer is, all I can think of is the little ditty that Adam Sandler sings in Billy Madison: "Back to school, back to school…" Yep, it’s Back to School time, folks. All over this great country of ours. And you can bet that we here in the Cosmic Comix newsroom are cognizant of it, too… especially me… because I’m about to take all these guest columnists to school on how to write a great Best Covers column! HEY-O-O-O-O-O-O!
Variant Cover by Robot Chicken
Come on. How could I not pick this cover? I’ve literally never seen a single episode of Robot Chicken — save for a few clips my sister sent me featuring Admiral Ackbar, which are awesome — but even still this one made me laugh.
Why? Several reasons. Mainly, it’s a pretty funny notion that Aquaman has dumpstered the entire roster of the Justice League, and now stands atop the pile of bodies like an early 20th century bodybuilder. (Though I wonder how he’d fare against the Justice League of America and the vicious Vibe!) But I also really like his stupid smile. That’s sort of how I imagine myself looking after I’ve had a few drinks.
Cover by Guillen March
This cover wins today’s award for Most Reddish! Mr. Guillem March (or his colorist) went a little crazy with the reds and the oranges on Ms. Looker here. But that’s not why I picked this cover.
I picked it because I thought it was pretty clever! If you couldn’t tell what was going on here, the lady in the front is a vampire. The first clue is the blood trickling down from the side of her mouth, which I have to say is the go-to giveaway in comicdom for vampires. Don’t they ever like use a napkin? I know whenever I feel anything on the side of my mouth it’s gone within 10 seconds. Vampires must not care! But also of course is the self-portrait with the camera, going straight through the lady and on to the Harlequin Romance model on the bed. And by the way, in case you didn’t notice, his pants are unzipped.
(Ha! Now whenever you see this cover that zipper will be the first thing you notice! You can never UNsee it!)
Cover by Jerome Opena
I honestly don’t have any jokes about this cover, I just thought it was cool! You’ve got Apocalypse Jr. there, hanging out at the family farm, staring wistfully up to the heavens, and then… Whoa, nelly! He should call the National Weather Service because there is definitely some strange activity going on up there, some might say it was of the Cumulo-Nimbal variety. (I don’t know who those people are, though; you think I hang out with meteorologists? Notorious jerks, all of ‘em.)*
Okay, so I guess I did have some jokes! May the humor well never runneth dry!
Cover by Greg Horn
Finally, Sonic. Or should I say, Amy Rose. Isn’t this just the gosh darn cutest cover you ever saw? I defy you to find something cuter! Don’t even try, because you won’t be able to.
Mucho credit to Greg Horn, whose Elektra covers from many years ago still loom large in my memory. He has succeeded in making me want to somehow transport myself into the world of Sonic the Hedgehog. Even if it means having to take on the evil Doctor Eggman, I want to chill with Amy!
- Andy B,
* Except for FOX 45′s Steve Fertig. He’s cool.